It's true, some days I just go through the motions. We wake up, we go about our everyday routine that we have mastered, and when it's time for Preston to go to bed I can't believe the day is over. How did it go by so fast? It's another day I will never be able to get back, and that makes me sad. I don't want to be that mom. I want to remember every single thing about Preston, at every age. I want to always remember his goofy closed mouthed smile he gives us when he is up to no good. Or his open mouthed toothy smile he has when he is laughing. I want to remember how he spreads his toes every time I put his socks on him or how he wraps himself around me like a money when I hold him. I want to remember his fake cry he has when he doesn't get his way or how he gets so excited when he sees the Puff container. I guess I am at a cross road, between holding on and letting go. I am trying so desperately to hold onto everything "baby" about him, but I know he is not a baby anymore.
Tonight we cuddled again in my bed. We went in about 30 minutes before it was time for him to go to bed. We read books, went over our animals, and gave tons of hugs and kisses. It was almost time for you to go in your room for bed. You were laying next to me snuggled up with your paci in. You took your paci out and held it in the air. I looked at you and it was as if you were telling me to laugh. I smiled at you, and you smiled at me. You curled up even closer to me and put your paci back in you mouth and started laughing. I said out loud it was time to go to bed, but that didn't matter. You are sleeping, but you are still curled up nestled into me 3 hours later.
I don't want it to end, but I have to remind myself this is just the beginning. I don't want my "baby" to grow up, but I have to remember that you will always be my baby.
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